Wednesday, December 30, 2009

011 Creative puns to tickle educated minds

aiyah, i know, not cool to like puns right . . . more smiles than groans here, so no apology :P
The only one i don't get is #3 (?lyrics from a song or something?), if you got it pls explain thanks :)

CREATIVE PUNS


1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

21. A backward poet writes inverse.

22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

24. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


Posted via email from Fun and funny stuff

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

006 Free Webinar on how "New FTC regulations could affect YOU" and your marketing

Not sure if this is only for US, hope to find out.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Debbie LaChusa <support@debbielachusa.com>
Date: 2009/12/3
Subject: [Stepping Up Alert] New FTC regulations could affect YOU

Do you use testimonials in your marketing?

If so, please keep reading.

On December 1, new Federal Trade Commission (FTC) regulations went
into effect that are changing the rules of business in a BIG way.

If you're currently using testimonials to market your business,
starting NOW you could face fines from the FTC and have your claims
branded "misleading" even if everything you're saying about your
products and services is true!

The key to staying in compliance with the FTC in 2010 (and keeping
all those great testimonials you worked so hard to achieve) is being
able to show "generally expected results."

On December 9th at 3pm Eastern (12noon Pacific), my friend Michele
DeKinder-Smith is hosting a complimentary webinar called:

"The FTC and YOU: 3 Easy Steps to Help You Market Within the Guidelines"

In this critically important, information-packed webinar, you'll learn:

=> Who will be affected by the new FTC regulations
  (yes, if you use testimonials or affiliates, your business
  could be on the list)

=> How to be proactive in meeting the new standards
  (you can take a deep breath knowing you are doing everything
   you can to be compliant)

=> How you can stay up-to-date on FTC regulations as they unfold,
  and show your customers (and the FTC) that you're taking the
  new rules seriously

=> How you can seize this moment to turn a potential CRISIS into
  an OPPORTUNITY to set yourself apart from the competition,
  demonstrate your integrity, and grow your business

Joining Michele on the webinar will be Kevin Houchin of
www.SiteCompliant.com, "The Creative Business Lawyer." Together,
they will lay it all out for you, in clear, straight-forward,
easy-to-understand language -- what you need to know RIGHT NOW
to keep your marketing within the legal bounds.

You can register and get more information now at
http://www.DemonstrateMyResults.com

But hurry! There's limited space on this call and I know the
interest in this subject is going to be HUGE.

To your enlightened success!

Debbie LaChusa


DLC Marketing, Inc.
PMB 310, 9625 Mission Gorge Road, Suite B2
Santee, California 92071, USA

To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit:
http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?jAwszEwMjLQsbIyMnEzsnLRGtKwczOycnMw=

Posted via email from Alexis Aw, Word Alchemist

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

005 My response to chain mail . . . and what can we teach our kids about netiquette?

I was inspired to write this after receiving a well intended email entitled,

"FW: Swine Flu Vaccination - Poison ? - From an AngryAustralian Pharmacist."

Hi, to everyone who has ever forwarded emails like this to me,

Thanks sincerely, i appreciate that your concern is genuine though the email you forward me is a hoax.
See http://yamyam25.blogspot.com/2009/10/email-on-swine-flu-vaccine.html

Once again, it demonstrate the power of well chosen words and how they interact with the concerns of the readers (totally my department wrt copywriting hehehehe). Plus the fact that there are lots of mischief makers online originating these things and not using their persuasive writing skills for the good of humankind *sigh*.

Yet i guess one good thing for me is getting the chance to pay attention to swine flu and read that it is actually getting less serious, and therefore evaluating that the vaccine is not necessary in the first place.

I am writing this with faith in your receptivity precisely cos most people won't bother to share what they know this way and perhaps risk social unpopularity -

Netiquette Tips

1. I know it is easy to just click "forward" and send your good intentions to people you care about. I still welcome your other emails, especially the inspiring, funny, foodie, or just unbelievable stuff :) Am just sharing my view that spreading urban legends can be a serial waste of all our precious time. As you know time is our most precious currency cos once spent it can never be earned again.

Instead of reacting to chain mail (and remember, your truest friends won't put a warning clause on what you must do to earn the reward in the email or make you feel you can expect impending doom if you don't forward the piece to x number of people in y days . . . that's conditional lurve!) that has slipped passed my "ignore" bouncer, i often do the nerdy thing and check its authenticity by simply emailing the source or doing a search.

More often than not i find out immediately that things are not what they seem and thus stop the viral spreading right there. Makes me feel relieved too :)

If, as adults, we refuse to allow these things to mess with our minds, we can better teach our children to be more web savvy, to be more mentally resilient, and goodness knows they need to be, with the Internet so prevalent and largely uncensorable.  

2. For those who don't already do so, you may also like to consider placing your friends' email addresses in "bcc" rather than "To" cos some of them don't know each other, as well as cutting out the bits of the email that reveal the addresses of people who have sent the email on to each other. That's just being polite and i acknowledge you did not mean to be inconsiderate; you probably just never thought about it. Some of you won't be getting this email if that had been done in the first place :P.

I hope reading this was time well spent. Have a great weekend! :)

Your friendly (though admittedly pedantic) copywriter alexis

p/s As you can see I am killing three birds with one stone with this post: sharing info, applying the recent teaching of a Web savvy friend who taught me what "interstitial" means, and promoting what i do (which i dearly love) HAHAHAHAH :P

Kind Regards

Alexis Aw, Word Alchemist
Copywriter | Marketing Communicator
Turning words into gold to make your business shine
Ring/SMS: +6140 448 3738
116 Edward St Perth WA 6000
writing@alexisaw.com


 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted via email from Alexis Aw, Word Alchemist

004 Published - A powerful way to deal with snoring (other people's LOL)

Apparently 80% if couples don't sleep together because of snoring! What can you do about it?

http://healthmad.com/conditions-and-diseases/and-miraculously-his-snoring-does-not-annoy-me-any-more/

Posted via email from Alexis Aw, Word Alchemist

008 How to Fold a T-shirt in 2 seconds

Love it! Works for long sleeved and sleeveless Tshirts and polo shirts too :)

Posted via email from Inspired!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

010 Pandering to Pandas in Panda Kindergarten

Thanks H!

  This  is for those that haven't seen the 16 baby pandas. SICHUAN  , China -- One zoo in southwest China has its hands full with 16 baby pandas.

The  Sichuan Wolong Panda Protection and Breed Center is dealing with the results of a breeding boom where 16 pandas have been born.

The brood includes five sets  of twins.

The cubs are weighed and measured every five  days (see pics)

The heaviest tips the scale at  just over 24 pounds, while the lightest weighs about 11  pounds.

The pandas are due to stop suckling soon - just about the time they'll start learning to walk.  

Once weaned, the panda cubs will attend panda  kindergarten.

In the meantime, more little ones are  expected at the centre since 38 giant pandas were  artificially impregnated.



Now pass them along because they're just too cute to keep to yourself.  

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 



Posted via email from Fun and funny stuff

Thursday, November 12, 2009

007 Bits of Brilliance ~ Are Your To Do’s Too Much?

Love it!


 
 
 
Issue #6

 

Dear ally,

Are Your "To Do's" Too Much?

If you want to listen to this message, click here.

How are you doing on whittling down your "to do" list these days? Do you find your days seem really full of activity and busyness, but at the end of the day that "to do" list has barely been touched? Lists are great for organizing tasks, for delegation and for planning, but without taking time for self-acknowledgement, the "to do's" can feel like they are starting to become too much.

Don't make the mistake that how many things you cross off that "to do" list determines how productive and effective a person you are. It's a trap to look for your self-worth from the size of your "to do" list. What's truly important is to take the time to pause and acknowledge what you have done and the difference you are making in the world every day. Without taking the time to celebrate and acknowledge, many people compensate by adding way too many things on their plate. There's a need inside each of us for love and acknowledgement, and the best person to fill that need is ourselves.

Self-acknowledgement isn't about getting narcissistic or self-absorbed at all. It's about taking time to honor yourself on a daily basis for not just the "things" you do, but the woman you are. These don't have to be monumental accomplishments, like winning the Nobel Peace Prize or selling your company for a zillion dollars. I'm talking about the moments where you allow your true brilliance to come forward. It could be in a difficult conversation with a joint venture partner, or making the decision to leave the computer and go to the yoga studio for a mind-body break.

I'm always looking to find that beautiful, divine balance between WHAT I am DOING instead of tuning into WHO I am BEING. When you are living in your full brilliance, you understand that the key to sustained presence, power and peace of mind comes from your ability to acknowledge yourself on a consistent and heartfelt basis.

Make it an amazing day!

Carolyn Ellis
Founder, Brilliance Mastery (TM)

P.S. Do you want to reprint this article? You may, as long as the article remains intact and you include the bio below.

 

Step Into Your Brilliance
What is something you could do on a daily or weekly basis to pause and acknowledge yourself for the brilliant women entrepreneur that you are? You might want to write 5-10 daily self-acknowledgements, or do an evening meditation where you review your day and appreciate the difference you made in your world today.

Words of Inspiration

Some people say they haven't yet found themselves. But the self is not something one finds; it is something one creates.

~~~Thomas Szasz


Unleash YOUR Brilliance Event ~
October 6-8, 2009

I'm hosting a unique telesummit that will give you THE keys to unleash your brilliance in the world! Click here to get your special, time-limited VIP invitation!


Need Support?

Ready to claim your Brilliance in your business? I work with a select number of committed clients to do just that. Click here to request your Application Form.


What's Your Biggest Challenge?

Can I ASK you a question?

I'd love to hear it! Just reply any time and let me know what your challenges are as a woman entrepreneur.

About Carolyn

Carolyn Ellis is a Success Strategist and Founder of BrillianceMastery.com and ThrivePrinciples.com. "Bits of Brilliance" offers weekly inspiration, wisdom and support for the woman entrepreneur or business owner who is committed to living her brilliance. "Bits of Brilliance" is designed to nourish your soul, feed your mind and fuel your purpose so you can truly master and express your true brilliance with power, passion and profitability!


 

1543 Bayview Avenue #149, Toronto, Ontario M4G 3B5 Canada
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Posted via email from Inspired!

Monday, November 2, 2009

006 RECIPE: Crimson Sunshine Smoothie

Here's a fruit smoothie exploding with vitality!

2 peeled beetroots (golf ball size) cubed
thumbnail piece of ginger
2 kiwifruit cubed including skin
handful frozen mixed berries
wedge of lemon including skin
1 apple cubed including seeds
cup of cold water

Blitz and drink to another glorious day!

Btw did you know apple seeds taste like fragrant almonds? Try it, apparently the good cyanide in it is full of anti-carcinogenic Vit B17, and most non-citrius seeds contain this magic as well.

Posted via email from Lexi Lemak Foodie Central

006 The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

[Poached from the Internet :)

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor.

Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups have been taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee.

Savour the coffee, not the cups! The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.

Posted via email from Inspired!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Valuable bargains at CatchoftheDay.com.au - not the cheapo stuff

New colleague introduced this site to me - thanks R!

They sell all sorts of off-season stock clearance stuff at absolutely ridiculous prices, and from my colleague's experience, they are of good quality too.

Today, 50 items are featured free (pay shipping only).

Happy online shopping at catchoftheday.com.au

Posted via email from alexis aw's first posterous

Monday, September 14, 2009

007 Research Shows Drinking Is As Good As Yoga

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does

Savasana
Position of total relaxation.  

Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.  

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana
This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn.  

Halasana
Excelent for back pain and imsomnia.  

Dolphin
Excelent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms.  

Salambhasana
Great excersice to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Ananda Balasana
This position is great for masaging the hip area.

Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles.


Pigeon

Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.


So, start drinking NOW!!!!!!

 

 

 
 
 
 

 

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See and download the full gallery on posterous

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